During a lecture on effective relationships with teenage children, the speaker, a well-known psychologist and family counselor, urged parents to address their youngsters with Ali Âqâ (Mr. Ali) and Fâtemeh Khânum (Miss Fatemeh) rather than only “Ali” or “Fâtemeh.” This is the same form of address normally used with adult relatives, so, he argued, youngsters who are addressed in this way feel respected and valued, and are more likely to behave maturely.
This recommendation acknowledges the importance of names among Iranians. If you are on first-name terms with someone, there are two options: as just described, use their first name and Âqâ/Khânum (Mr./Lady), or their first name and jân, which means “soul, life” and therefore “dear as one’s life.” It is sometimes pronounced jun, the latter option being more common. In relationships within the family circle, this is something of a paradox. By definition, family relationships are defined by intimacy or, at least, familiarity. On the other hand, two other considerations are also important: age, and whether a person is mahram, because an age difference and being a nâmahram can create a notional distance between speakers.
In other words, a fine balance must be struck between deference and cordiality, with some speakers tending more toward the one or the other principle, often depending on the speaker’s temperament, mood, or character. Hossein’s mother was addressed as ‘Mâmân-jun’ (‘dear Mum’) by her children, grandchildren, sons-in-law and daughters-in-law, but not by her husband Hâj Nâsser, who addressed her respectfully as Hâj Khânum (‘pilgrim lady’).
In professional settings, Iranians use Âqâ/Khânum and the person’s family name. Female colleagues who become friends may address each other by their first names and jân when they are alone, but will use Khânum and the person’s family name to refer to and address each other when others are present. Similarly, in girls’ high schools, students use first names among themselves, but in an announcement over the PA system, students are addressed with Khânum and their family name. If male colleagues are friends, they usually address each other with only their family names without Âqâ, as do male high school students among themselves. Surnames are often prefixed with any educational titles, for example, Âqâye Mohandes [engineer] and family name, or Khânum Doktor [doctor] and family name. The title of doctor is used not only for medical doctors but for academics too, even outside academia.
Iranian Turks the First and Largest Ethnic Minority in Iran
