Using only someone’s first name, or even Âqâ/Khânum and their first name, is reserved for only when people know each other well or when addressing household help or children. Because the use of a first name in English can convey informality but not necessarily familiarity or intimacy (as among colleagues, between boss and employee, or students and university staff), English language speakers need to be aware that in Iranian society informality is linked to intimacy, and they had best avoid first name usage in public settings.
Foreign names follow slightly different conventions. Because foreign surnames may be difficult for Iranians to pronounce, foreigners tend to be called by their first names in more situations than Iranians are. However, if you are called by your first name, don’t think you can reciprocate: you need to gauge whether deference or cordiality would predominate in each situation. So what should a foreigner do? If unsure, err on the side of deference: use Âqâ/Khânum and the person’s family name instead of their first name, even if you are addressed by your first name. (If your companion would like you to address them otherwise, they will probably tell you.)
But then, how can you balance deference with cordiality? Use other means, such as compliments, body language, and smiling. Some caveats here, though: touch between nâmahrams is generally forbidden in Islam, so don’t make a move to touch a person of the opposite gender, even to shake hands, unless they make the first move. However, you may be hugged and kissed by persons of the same gender much more often than you may be used to. A similar convention applies to smiling and laughing. Try not to smile too much toward the opposite gender or laugh out loud, especially if you are female, although, in my experience, this is almost always recognized and excused as the mark of a foreigner.
Public displays of affection between spouses are also frowned upon, at least among the most conservative social strata. During a discussion in my class, a student mentioned a scene she had witnessed at the airport when pilgrims were leaving for the major pilgrimage to Mecca. A large group of relatives accompanied a male passenger up to the gate, where they had to part. The man kissed the well-wishers one by one, including some women who must have been his mahrams (his mother and sisters), but not his wife. My student thought this practice was too prudish, which indicates that this avoidance is not absolute, but, again, erring on the side of caution might be the best course.
The Role of Public Sector in Medical Tourism
